Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
