Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
