Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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