My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
