New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
