Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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