That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
