My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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