How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
