Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Randomize
