Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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