people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
