she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
