God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
