Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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