i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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