i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
