Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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