U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
