As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
