I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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