The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Still dying that you shit outside
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
