do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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