Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
