Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
