Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
