I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
