are you still at the devil's house?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
