I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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