Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
