Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
