bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
