Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
