I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
