He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
