why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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