maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
