made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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