I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
