dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
