things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
