puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ketchup is God's man juice
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
