he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
