Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
