I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
