I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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