please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
