I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
