3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
