Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
