best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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