Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
