I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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